On New Years Eve we gathered our children into our den and talked about 2018. Everyone took turns sharing their favorite memories and moments of the year that was quickly coming to an end. It was a sweet time filled with laughter as we remembered all that had happened.
Leading up to New Years Eve, I thought about what would happen in 2019. If you aren’t familiar with our family’s story, about 10 years ago God begin to change the path that we were on in many ways. Four years ago God directed my husband to walk away from a successful career in medicine to follow Him in a new direction. Instead of pursuing a new place of employment, we both felt that my husband was to be at home, and we were both to invest our time and resources into our children’s musical abilities.
In the beginning of his time at home, we weren’t too worried about money.
While he was working in the medical field, we never had a big investment strategy; we just put away what we
didn’t use and had saved up a nice chunk of change. Yet now, four years later, that chunk of change has dwindled.
I have lost count the number of times we have planned, brainstormed, calculated, formulated, googled, and dreamed of ways we could make a living. Then when praying about it, God would simply point us back to the mission at hand – investing in our children.
Through this whole process God was working on my heart.
As I watched the bank account drop each month, fear would begin to creep in. I would have moments of frustration with my husband. “Surely he is going to come up with a plan,” I would think to myself. I would push him for an answer on where he would draw the line. Sadly I was really saying, “When are you going to stop trusting God and start trusting in your own ability.”
I began to realize that somewhere in our marriage I had stopped trusting God for provision and had begun trusting my husband. I could relate to Sarah in the Bible as she and Abraham were believing in the promise of a child. She ultimately looked to Abraham to come up with a solution to make the promise a reality. We see Abraham taking her advice and having a child, just not in the way God had planned. In my heart I feared that I too would be like Sarah. Instead of believing with my husband, I would stand in opposition of him because of my fear.
One night while laying in bed, I remember my husband clearly saying to me,
“Kim, if you don’t believe in me, then I won’t have anyone who believes in me.” I realized I had to quit playing the role of Sarah, quit looking to my husband for provision, and instead follow with him where God was leading our family.
All of this brings me to the point where we were sitting on New Year’s Eve in our den with our children. The year 2018 was really the year that we reached the end. We are now almost at the end of our saved resources, and we have gotten The Borders Band as far as we can on our own ability. We have truly reached the end of it all. Yet, we are not without hope. In fact, I don’t think our faith could be any stronger that God is with us and will lead us.
As 2018 came to a close, I finally realized what I had been fighting all these years
was exactly where God wanted me to be.
I had to come to the end of myself. As I thought about that, I realized this simple truth – when we come to the end of ourselves, it is only the beginning, because that is when God can finally begin to use us. I am no longer fighting against Him. I have fully surrendered, and He can now use me to accomplish His will.
This past Sunday one of our pastors read the following passage from Romans 4.
18 Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” 19 Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. 20 Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, 21 being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.
When I heard the words “fully persuaded,” I suddenly realized
those two words describe what I felt inside.
It had taken over four years for God to get me here, yet today I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He will fulfill the promises He has given us along the way.
I am confident that no matter what circumstances look like, He will provide. His words gives us this specific instruction in Matthew 6:31-33 (Amplified) “Therefore do not worry or be anxious (perpetually uneasy, distracted) saying, ‘What are we going to eat?’ or ‘What are we going to drink?’ or ‘What are we going to wear?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; (but do not worry) for your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But first and most importantly seek (aim at, strive after) His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing and being right-the attitude and character of God), and all these things will be given to you also.” It isn’t a suggestion; it is a command that I have spent the last four years disobeying.
In closing, I have to ask, “Are you fully persuaded ?” Are you convinced despite what you see with your eyes that God will do what He has said He will do? Are you still wrestling it out and doing all you can to avoid getting to the end of yourself? If that is you, I want to offer you this encouragement. Do not be afraid! For when you reach the end of yourself, you will quickly realize that you have reached the beginning of Him.
Mário DaSilva says
Beautifully said. The faith in God is a labor of strength and the best course to follow . If you have it you will without doubt reach your goals.
Kim@kimborders.com says
Thank you Mr. Mario!
Leslie Newman says
Beautiful, Kim. And oh, that last sentence! 💜 How true. He is so faithful to us!
Kim@kimborders.com says
HE is faithful!!!
Ricki Elks says
As always, I enjoyed the gift of your message wrapped up with the ongoing story of your precious family!
Kim@kimborders.com says
Thank you so much! It has been an adventure these past few years, not always easy, but I wouldn’t trade a day of it!
Carlie says
Such a thought-provoking post, Kim. Wow! And a bit scary, too. But our God keeps showing up and reminds us that He is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine. Praying for a ‘fully persuaded’ lived out faith.