I will never forget the morning I woke up screaming to my husband, “Trent he’s gone!” I was 34.5 weeks pregnant and my usually rambunctious little boy would not kick, roll, or move inside me. Quickly I did all the things you are supposed to do to encourage movement in utero. Still, I felt no movement. I felt helpless. My husband grabbed his stethoscope and began trying to locate his heart rate. Thankfully he was able to locate his rapidly beating heart, a sign of life amidst our nightmare.
An ultrasound verified our suspicions.
My little boy was still alive, but something had affected his movement. The OB physician looked at me with a deep look of concern and said “It doesn’t look good; go directly to the hospital and the high-risk OB will meet you there. I will call them now and tell them you are on your way.”
Within minutes of arriving at the hospital, I was checked in and hooked up to monitors, and the whirlwind began. A few minutes later my husband arrived. The high-risk OB doctor was performing an ultrasound and neither he nor my husband could find anything causing his lack of movement. The doctor said, “We need to take him now; I don’t feel comfortable waiting any longer.” I was quickly prepped for a c-section and within a few minutes I met my little boy. The little boy that I had feared dead was now bundled up and being held by my husband as they sewed me back up.
I thought the nightmare was over, but it was only beginning. One of the nurses said, “He needs to go to the ICU for 24 hours because his blood sugar is dangerously low.” Over the next few days, every time I went to the NICU to see him there would be a new problem with a new tube attached to him.
I wish I could say that I wasn’t scared or that fear didn’t have its moments in my heart. However, it felt like my world was coming apart at the seams. It was the most helpless feeling I have ever had. I would stand next to him completely incapable of doing anything to save my son. Despite my hard earned degree in nursing and my husband’s even harder earned degree as a Doctor of Medicine, we were helpless.
Despite our sense of helplessness, there is one part of the story
I have not told you.
A month or two before my son’s birth, I was laying in bed letting my mind settle from the events of the day. I was praying for the little guy moving about in my belly when a picture popped into my mind. The image was of me walking into what looked like a clinic or hospital. Beside me was an image of a man – in my mind I knew it was the Lord walking beside me. I felt a whisper saying, “Something is going to happen to your son, but I will be with you and he will be okay.” I was so convinced by this that I walked into the room where my husband was and told him what I felt.
That day as we stood staring at our little one connected to cords and monitors in the NICU, I had to make a decision. Would I trust the words that the Lord had spoken to me prior to my son’s birth? Would I exchange every fear I had for the promise He had given? Fear was knocking at the door of my heart. It wasn’t a polite knock either, but more like the banging of a robber seeking to break down a door.
The past few weeks I have read and re-read the story of the Israelites and the spies found in Numbers 13-14. God had given them a promise that they would inherit the land of Canaan. Twelve spies spent 40 days spying out the land to see what it was like. The report they came back with confirmed that the land was good. The report also presented an obstacle preventing them from the promise – giants. Would they focus on the word of the Lord or would they focus on the size of the giants? Only two of the twelve decide to focus on what the Lord had said. The others lack of faith proved to be costly in the end!
I too was like the Israelites deciding which to choose.
Thankfully we were able to bring our sweet little guy home, and this past weekend we celebrated his 4th birthday. It has been a LONG journey to get here. His journey has taught me many lessons about fear and trust.
Maybe you find yourself in a difficult situation where you are helpless and it feels like there is nothing you can do. Perhaps fear is knocking at your door. Don’t open the door! Don’t let fear into your heart! Choose to stand on the promises of God!
Promises you can stand on when you feel helpless
Isaiah 40:29 – He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Psalm 27:1– The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?
Isaiah 40:29– He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Isaiah 40:31– But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 41:13 For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you. Do not fear; I will help you.