When I was in high school, denim overalls were the hottest fashion craze, and I wanted a pair. I still remember one Christmas morning, when I was about 16 years old, opening a box that contained a pair of stonewashed overalls from the GAP. I loved them so much. In fact one night I had a dream about them that changed my life in many ways.
In my dream I was holding a pair of overalls that were too small for me to wear. They were so small a 3 or 4 year old could have worn them, and I knew no matter how hard I tried, I could never make them fit. As I stood there clinging to those useless overalls, I saw a beautifully wrapped gift that the Lord wanted to give to me. I knew immediately what the gift was. It was a perfectly sized pair of overalls, and I could have these perfect overalls in exchange for one thing. I had to let go of the unwearable overalls in my hands and give them to the Lord before He would release the perfect overalls from His hands into mine. I also knew that this meant there would be a period of time when my hands would be completely empty.
I would have to wait upon the Lord and trust Him to give me what I needed.
As I woke up the next morning, I knew the dream had not been an accident. God used that dream to speak to me about some areas of my life I was holding onto and needed to let go.
Letting go is scary and uncomfortable. When we choose to hang onto things God didn’t intend for us to have, we will never become who God truly designed us to be. Letting go leaves you with empty hands. It is a sign of surrender. You see this in movies all the time. The police yell, “Drop your weapons.” The bad guys then drop their guns and raise their hands, slowly changing from a place of being in control to surrender.
In my own life, at the time of the dream and several times since, I have needed to put myself in a place of surrender. I needed to give up what I was foolishly and fearfully hanging onto in order to receive what God wanted to give me.
At this point in our lives, my husband and I are living in a place of surrender. We had our “toddler overalls.” While they looked good and gave us security, they weren’t what God had for us. Through a series of steps we have let them go, and now we stand with our hands empty…..waiting…..wondering….curious as to what is next. We wait anxiously wondering if our empty hands will be filled again. Sometimes in moments of doubt and fear we think maybe we should have held onto what we had – at least then our hands were full.
It has been a struggle to trust. I wish I could say it has been easy. The sad thing is I have seen the faithfulness of the Lord, yet I still wonder if He is going to leave us empty handed.
One day as I stood in the shower, I reminded God that my hands are still empty. My husband has walked away from his career, and God has not yet shown us the next means of provision. As I poured out my heart, I felt the Lord say to me
“You think that I am the one who has the problem providing?
The problem isn’t that I won’t provide.
The problem is you believing that I will.”
He was right. I wept. I didn’t believe.
In the waiting time I have to remember what I had seen God do. I began to recount all the times he has met my needs and filled my hands. There was the weekend at Jason’s Deli after my husband had left his career, and an unknown couple walked up to us and handed us a 75 dollar gift card. I remember being in shock. Surely there was someone else in the restaurant that needed it more than us. However, I remember God whispering, “I just want you to know that I will provide.” Then there was the night my husband and I went to dinner after selling our house. We hadn’t planned on stopping, but we were hungry and our children were with my parents. As we sat reminiscing about the past and anxiously thinking about the future (wondering how God was going to work this out), someone was paying for our dinner. I don’t know who, but when the waitress brought the check, there was a hand written note on the back from the anonymous person saying the bill had been paid in full. Again God was showing us that He will provide.
I remember as a child there would often be testimony services – an opportunity to share what God had done in our lives. Stories that not only encouraged the person telling it, but also uplifted those who heard. I think this is one key to thriving while we live with empty hands waiting to be filled by God. We must recall what He has already done, recount His faithfulness, and remember who He is.
The Psalmist in Psalms 77: 7-15 gives us this insight.
“Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?
Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”
Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
I will consider all your works
and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”
Your ways, God, are holy.
What god is as great as our God?
You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
I am thankful that the truth of my dream lasted longer than the overalls trend! I can’t imagine how my life would be now if I had refused to give up my “toddler overalls” from my high school days. While I did live for a season with empty hands, waiting for God to fill them, the “overalls” he had for me were perfect in every way. Now as I find myself again with empty hands waiting to receive, I will remember His faithfulness and recount His goodness. If He is the same yesterday, today, and forever, I believe He will once again fill our hands in His perfect timing.
Ginna Byrom says
Beautifully written!
Kim@kimborders.com says
Thank you Ginna!
Carol Mularski says
Thank you for sharing this Kim. Looking forward to seeing the Lord’s continued provision in your life! You’re in my thoughts and prayers!
Kim@kimborders.com says
Thank you Carol! I appreciate your prayers!
Christa Waln says
Kim! This is so wonderful and so needed in my life as well. We are in a season like you… waiting. Praying for you as you wait! Thank you for allowing God to use you to present this beautiful writing.
Kim@kimborders.com says
Christa! I am so humbled by your comments. Thank you so much for taking a minute to write! I will be praying for you as well!
Tiffany Lehmann says
I needed to hear this today, Kim! Thank you! I can’t wait to hear how God provides for you and your sweet family 🙂
Kim@kimborders.com says
Thank you Tiffany! Praying for you!
Berklee Wolaver says
Beautiful post! I love your analogy, inspiring words 🙂
Kim@kimborders.com says
Thank you Berklee! I appreciate you kind words!
Nita McIntosh says
Don’t know if I can follow your Blog or not, Every thing I go to reading it, my eyes water, Do not know where you fine such sweet words to write, You just Bless me, just reading what you write,
Kim@kimborders.com says
Thank you Aunt Nita!
Connie Gonzalez says
I was on Facebook and I saw your picture and I remember you from Northside assembly and some how accidentally I ran into your blog “while you are waiting ” and it minister to me recently I have been experiencing some intense pain in my lower back and right leg every night for the past two weeks the dr thinks its arthritis, I been praying for my healing and hasn’t come but I am waiting on the Lord patiently. The Psalm you quoted really touch and spoke to my heart, I am thankful for all the other times that He has healed me and provided for us. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. While I’m waiting “i will rejoice in hope, patience in affliction and persistent in prayer: Romans 12:12”
Kim@kimborders.com says
Hi Connie, I remember you! Thank you so much for writing! I am so sorry you are having physical problems. I love that verse from Romans, I will be praying for your healing!