He was a small town boy, a member of the honor society in medical school, a lover of routines, and extremely neat. I was a city girl, thankful just to graduate with a decent GPA, adventurous, and didn’t mind a mess. God brought us together and love grew. We got married and life began. Two opposite people headed in the same direction.
If you give my husband and I a personality test we will score completely opposite from one another. He is an introvert and I am an extrovert. I love surprises and he hates them. He wants to know every detail before making a decision. I am a learn as I go type of person. He is a night owl and I am an early bird. The list of differences could go on.
If you too have married an opposite, it doesn’t mean that you can’t have a wonderful healthy marriage! In fact, I believe you can if you learn to use your differences instead of letting them work against you!
1. Realize that your spouse will filter most things in life differently than you
In our early years of marriage, we were blessed to take a trip without children almost every year. I would anticipate a week filled with fun new restaurants, adventurous places, and excitement. He, on the other hand, was imagining a week of sleep, leisurely strolls, and lots of time for reading. You can imagine the “discussions” we had when we were both frustrated by the other’s expectations of the trip. He would say, “Don’t expect me to spend the whole day wearing myself out sightseeing,” and I would reply, “Well don’t expect me to sit all day long on the couch reading!” I thought to myself, “How can he be so difficult?” He was thinking the same about me.
Then one day the light bulb went off in my head. In the same way I can’t understand wanting to sit all day and read, he can’t imagine going on a vacation and never having any downtime. Who was right? Who was wrong? We both realized just as I craved new places and adventure, he needed times of quiet and calm. Recognizing these personal characteristics were vital to our ability to have a great trip! They also carried over into our everyday life and how we would spend our free time on the weekends.
2. Use your differences to help you succeed instead of creating envy
I have many struggles in life. One of my biggest is my inability to manage time. My husband, on the other hand, can master it beautifully. In the beginning of our marriage, I felt threatened by his ability to always be prepared. Then one day I decided to humble myself and ask for his help. I asked him to help me manage my time in the days leading up to a big event. Thankfully with his gentle planning and encouragement, I succeeded! Suddenly I was on time and not running around at the last minute, and he was less anxious because I was completely prepared! It was a win-win!
As we have grown older he has also learned to appreciate my point of view on issues and decisions. We have realized that we can often make better decisions as a couple because we approach the topic from entirely different viewpoints. This has allowed us to see both sides of the issue and make more balanced decisions.
There is one thing my husband can do that will hurt my feelings quicker than anything else. Sometimes he does it without even realizing it! Thankfully over time I have learned to quickly say, “Hey you hurt my feelings when you (fill in the blank).” Taking an honest look at yourself and finding the triggers, no matter how silly they seem, can save you a lot of time and frustration!
4. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt
Sometimes there are times in life when we will say the wrong thing or let our spouse down. In those moments give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. A less than desirable statement or action probably wasn’t meant to get even or make you mad. Odds are it was just a product of fatigue or frustration with something or someone other than you. In those moments remind yourself “Love is patient, love is kind.”
Perhaps you too have married someone who is your opposite! I hope these four tips encourage you and help you go from a marriage that is “good and surviving” to one that is “wonderful and thriving”
Happy Valentines Day!
Ginna says
❤️this!! I think that’s what makes marriages work, the old adage, opposites attract. Like you’ve written so beautifully, you need to recognize your differences and see them as strengths and not weaknesses, no matter how difficult that may seem to be. 😊
Kim@kimborders.com says
Thank you!
Sheila Fitzgerald says
So very true, great wood of encouragement.
Kim@kimborders.com says
Thank you! Thank you for reading! I am sure you and Mr. Mike could teach Trent and I a lot about marriage!
Martha Godwin says
I think most couples are opposites…if we married someone just like us, life sure would be boring. Thanks Kim…love to read your blog.
Kim@kimborders.com says
Thanks for reading! Glad you enjoy them!
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